


A self-inflicted Martyr Complex

by Bananas45



Category: B: The Beginning (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, mind games?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 03:46:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14347326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananas45/pseuds/Bananas45
Summary: 'They portray themselves as righteous, self-sacrificing, the saint, the caretaker, or the hero.They blame the selfishness and inhumanity of other people for their repression and oppression They seek to reassure themselves of their innocence and greatness.They exaggerate their level of suffering, hardship and mistreatment.They have a cynical, paranoid or even suspicious perception of other people’s intentions.They have an obsessive need to be right.They assume that other people can read their mind.They emotionally manipulate or coerce people into doing what they want by portraying themselves as the noble sufferer.'Laica hates Minatsuki's martyr complex and Minatsuki seems to hate his.





	A self-inflicted Martyr Complex

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally writing this pairing!! I've tried for so long...Like i shipped them as I watch but honestly I was too scared to write because I didn't quite, fully understand their storyline?  
> If someone did, please explain it to me because I'm dumb. 
> 
> I've gone out on a limb here with a few plot points in this...Which may be wrong? If so plz correct me
> 
> I want them to be happy but I can't let them be! 
> 
> Also! There aren't words in the English language that fit how I imagine Minatsuki talks and acts...So there are a lot of extended metaphors going on here...and he still plays piano.

He finds Minatsuki in the hotel lobby. A little clearing just past the reception to this dated dump they’re staying in. Cover and all that or so he’d been told. Maybe their budget didn’t stretch to anything above 3 stars. He’s drawing out the tune to something on an old piano. The song, whatever it is, sounds misshapen on the age dampened keys. He’s only playing with one hand, the other is buried in his hair, elbow balanced on the lifted lid of the keyboard.  
“Go to bed” Laica says, his voice whoops around the empty room. The notes stop. Minatsuki looks up slowly.  
“I’m not tired” He says softly.  
“I’m not asking” Laica’s voice is too sharp and Minatsuki does that infuriating little tight lipped laugh that suddenly makes Laica seem like unreasonable one.  
“Alright” He murmurs, using that slightly superior tone he takes. It doesn’t mean he’ll do it, just that he’s acknowledged you want something from him. Laica has an overwhelming urge to smack that pretty face of the keys.  
“Usually you then get up and go to bed” Laica comes closer and sees, with a sinking feeling of dread, the tear tracks on Minatsuki’s cheeks. “What are you playing” He sighs, as some kind of apology.  
“Italian Polka by Rachmaninoff” Minatsuki starts to play it. “It reminded me of you” He adds on like that isn’t like a bullet to the knee cap. Laica swallows. He hates these games Minatsuki plays because it’s almost impossible to know how much of it is Minatsuki fucking around and how much is genuine. The softness in which he murmured that makes Laica think he’s serious.  
“It’s quite up beat” Laica comments weakly. Hating himself for always feeling sorry for him in the end. Minatsuki grins, wild and free but his hands stop before he finishes the piece and his drop to his lap.  
“It” Minatsuki starts, voice trailing off. “Reminded me of myself a little too” He says on a candid little exhale and looks up with a nervous half smile. A conversation with Minatsuki is like a game of 2 truths and lie because Minatsuki is a rubix cube on the best of days. Lucky Laica likes puzzles.  
“Why are you crying?” Laica asks, soft but blunt. Honesty is Minatsuki biggest weakness and without time to build walls he’s nothing but a child in his dad's suit.  
“Was crying” Minatsuki corrects with a sniff and smile that begs Laica not to push him.  
“Why were you crying?” Laica amends before Minatsuki has finished his words.  
“I’m very emotional” He says with an easy laugh and the opening of Chopin piece.  
“I know” Laica says and Minatsuki looks up sharply, jaw clenching and tongue bitten between his teeth. Laica watches him try to the read the situation, taking too long to form a response and when instead of saying anything he gives a stupid little giggle Laica knows the root of the problem.  
“When was the last time you-”  
“Fuck off Laica” He says with a caustic little smile. Despite the words themselves, Minatsuki somehow manages to make it sound polite.  
“I know you like to play this game, Minatsuki” He hates calling him that. “Pretending you’re better then them, better than me, but you’re not” He makes sure the words are honest and cold. A rock face so smooth Minatsuki can’t get his little claws into any of it and call him dramatic or a liar or petulant. “You’re going to hurt yourself or someone else”  
Minatsuki barks out a laugh “Don’t pretend like you care”  
It’s Laica’s turn to laugh, hopeless and defeated. “Oh my gods. Fine. Sort yourself out, sir” He sneers it on the end and Minatsuki’s eyes shoot up to meet his. He lurches forward like strings attach them both. Laica moves and Minatsuki is dragged behind.  
“Wait!” It verges on a cry “Wait” softer now. “Don’t go”  
“You’re a fucking disgrace” Laica says, voice still measured despite how he feels. “You make me so ridiculously angry. Every fucking word you say pisses me off”  
Minatsuki looks shaken. “I know you hate me-”  
Laica rolls his eyes “I never said that-”  
Minatsuki begins to play again, voice painfully level despite how hard he’s shaking “No, but it’s what you meant.” He lets out an almost feral growl after that, a curtain of hair falls across his side, hiding how his face twists.  
“Am I going to have to drag you kicking and screaming back to the room?” Laica says. Minatsuki is playing a dangerous game. He’s waiting to see who cracks first, who grabs the other by the throat and hauls them across the stained carpets back to the dingy room first. He wants to be dragged, to look at Laica in the morning and know it wasn’t him who lost control. Fat chance of that happening.  
The music keeps on playing and Laica takes a deep breath. takes two strides and slams the lid down on Minatsuki’s slender finger. Minasuki’s foot bounces off the suspension pedal and makes an discordant ring, that echoes around the room. All four of his gloved fingers in Minatsuki’s mouth before he screams.  
“Why do I bother reasoning with you?” Laica says, nose buried deep in Minatsuki’s hair, he can smell the fear. He can smell the madness, heavy and hot and sickly sweet. Minatsuki is gone. He feels him struggle under him, teeth coming down hard on Laicas fingers as he muffles the blondes screams.  
“You’re a wild animal with a very” He punctuates the words by tightening his grip over Minatsuki’s jaw. “Patient owner”  
Minatsuki sags under him like he’s been deflated but that tremble is still there. Like when you pin a cat down and know it will run off the second you look away.  
“Get up”  
Minatsuki groans as he’s dragged to his feet. Laica twists his arm up his back to keep him in place as, with a knew found fight, Minatsuki snarls and bucks, twisting and writhing, feet digging into the carpet as he refuses to be dragged. Laica doesn’t let up, doesn’t dare loosen his grip and Minatsuki let’s out a wail as his shoulder pops. Laica honestly hadn’t realised how hard he was tugging by forcing Minatsuki in front of him but the pain of the dislocation seems to have thrown Minatsuki off enough that pushing him forwards now is child's play. He’s surprisingly light for how tall he is and Laica drags him, trembling and clutching his arm close, the rest of the way to the room.  
He leans Minatsuki against the wall, leg between his thighs to stop him falling forward and grabs the room key. He’s a mess, wild blonde hair plastered to his curled, snarling lips. There are bruises on his jaw and side of his mouth from where Laica pressed to hard, they stand out against his marble pale skin. His lips are puffy and sore looking from where Laica forced his hand.  
He’s so distracted he’s doesn’t see Minatsuki lunge for him. He tilts an inch out the way and Minatsuki falls right past him. Without thinking he grabs his upper arm before he hits the ground and the scream he gives is despondent, like the pain is unimaginable. It probably is and with a twist of pity he pulls Minatsuki to his chest, hand in his hair he holds him in the crook of his neck to quieten him.  
“Shh, shh” He says, sharp and unsweetened but it calms Minatsuki’s frantic breathing. “You’ll wake the others. You wouldn’t want them to see you like this, would you?” He means to sound virulent but it comes out softer than he wants.  
Minatsuki shakes his head, which is a good sign and Laica absently buries his hand deeper in the strands of his hair. They’re silky soft despite how fever hot Minatsuki’s scalp is underneath. He’d like to brush it one day maybe. One day when Minatsuki isn’t trying to fuck with him. He keeps him to his chest as he he squirms them both into the dark room. On his back, with Minatsuki on his chest, hand clutching Laika’s shirt, he thinks how pathetic they both must look, lying on this disgusting floor with their own breaths and the hum of the aircon to ward of the silence. To the untrained eye Minatsuki would look asleep. He’s not. He’s fighting. Laica thinks it’s the most admirable thing about Minatsuki, that he fights this thing inside him tooth and nail with this infallible politeness and love of culture and art and soft spoken pleasantries. It doesn’t make him any less of an idiot though, at least not in Laica’s eyes.  
“Laica” He sounds so exhausted.  
It’s said into the darkness just as Laica’s hand comes across the bag, slips inside to find the vial and pulls it back.  
“Yes?”  
A ripple of energy passes through Minatsuki, like he’s going to get up.  
“Don’t move” Laica warns.  
He holds Minatsuki’s neck down so he can’t struggle and tips the contents down his throat. Even if Minatsuki is acting like he doesn’t need it the relief is palpable and Laica slides out under him to let him pant on the floor.  
“I’ll let you lose yourself next time” He says as fair warning.  
“No you won't” He says and then again, quieter “I know you won't”  
A car rolls past, flashing the room in momentary light.  
“I’m going to relocate your shoulder” Laica says. Minatsuki laughs, leaning himself against the wall, swiping a strand of hair out his face.  
“Okay”  
Laica feels oddly nervous, as he crouches, one leg knelt and the other balancing himself over Minatsuki’s right leg. He looks like he’s proposing.  
“Take off your tie and waistcoat” Laica says.  
“Take me on a date first” He says with a smirk.  
“Minatsuki-”  
Minatsuki’s smile pulls his cheeks down and shows his dimples as he shakes his head. His sigh cuts Laica off before he can complain. He was joking.  
“I can’t”  
“Why?” Laica doesn’t mean to sound so snappy.  
“Because you dislocated my fucking arm” Minatsuki shouts, voice like a crescendo, before squeezing his eyes shut and flaring his nostrils. “Hurry up”  
“You brought this on yourself”  
“I brought this on myself” Minatsuki says softly, testing the words on his mouth like someone does a fine wine, he looks away as Laica slips the waistcoat down his arms and tilts his head back as the tie slips from his neck. “Yes, I suppose I did”  
Minatsuki’s temper is like a wave, it laps at your feet softly one moment, then floods your town the next. It’s a thing Laica has never quite been able to understand.  
“Talk to me, Laica” Minatsuki is bone limp as Laica feels and pushes at the dead arm, aligning it to the socket and ignoring how sick Minatsuki looks. His frame looks even smaller in just a shirt.  
“What do you want me to say?” He shifts closer to get a better grip. So close he can feel the soft puff of Minatsuki’s breath. It blows strands of charcoal hair back over Laica’s ear.  
He pushes a little at the arm and Minatsuki pulls away “You fucking- fuck” He says breathlessly.  
Laica almost slaps him.  
“This will hurt” He says instead.  
“I’m very aware of that” Minatsuki shifts back into the pain and let’s out a whimper. This isn’t going to work so instead, Laica cups Minatsuki’s cheek,  
“Focus on me” Laica says gently, pressing his forehead to Minatsuki’s. It works better and Minatsuki looks up shocked, leaning forward a little tentatively. Their lips meet and Laica almost pulls back because this can’t end well but he doesn’t pull away.Instead, he watches Minatsuki’s eyes flutter shut and feels the softness of Minatsuki’s lips as they part so easily to his tongue. It’s soft and slow, almost contemplative and childlike. Hell, they’re almost not even kissing, tongue’s just folding softly over one another. Laica can’t deny it feels good and he’s oddly guilty when he uses the tilt of Minatsuki’s head to thrust his arm back into the socket. Minatsuki’s scream catches in his throat and his blue eyes- so blue it’s almost frightening, Laica always thought they looked like a dolls- widen.  
“Laica” He says, voice so soft. It’s the last thing he says before he falls forward.  
“Minatsuki?” He tries to hide how frantically worried he sounds and with a breath of relief, realises Minatsuki has only passed out.  
He lays him on the bed like he’s made of glass and undoes his shirt with too much care. Folds it beside him and smooths out the creases. He’s the only one who sees him like this and for a moment he treasures it. His lip tingles.  
They kissed.  
Laica almost short circuits at the gravity of the realisation. They’re so fucked.  
“You look like you’re thinking to hard” Minatsuki says, he’s propped himself up against the headboard and is looking at Laica with a soft, casual smirk. “Leave the thinking to me”  
Leave the thinking to me, those words make Laica hot with a strange envious heat. Minatsuki is so fucking naive. If only he knew. The thought makes him smug for a moment and then, looking over the way Minatsuki is sat, bruised fingers playing idly with the duvet cover, eyes down cast and looking so awkward and human, he feels, instead, overwhelmingly guilty. If only he knew.  
“Did you kiss me?” Minatsuki asks, cradling a knee in between his hands, he looks hopeful. “It could have been the pain- I was out of it- I” he stops himself with a self-effacing sigh and laughs. “I don’t know”  
“I kissed you” Laica says, wary as he stands beside the bed. He sits down and cradles Minatsuki’s head in his palm. “I kissed you”  
“Are you going to kiss me again?” Minatsuki whispers and Laica smiles. The worst part is Minatsuki is expecting rejection. He’s almost tense from the expectation of being turned down and Laica can’t bare it. Can’t bare knowing that Minatsuki- sobbing, sweet, softly spoken- Minatsuki is only a pawn. It makes his heart tighten and flutter with a strange sense of shame. He almost wants to apologise but instead he leans forward.  
They kiss. They kiss for what feels like hours. Laica kisses across the bruises on Minatsuki’s lips and laps softly at the splits and has a strange thought; He wants to please Minatsuki. It is strange, considering the fantasies he’s had of forcing the blonde to his knees but here now, with him moaning and trembling and so vulnerable under him, he can’t help but feel equally demure.  
When they fuck, later on in the evening- the little red clock reads 3.40 am- Laica feels blissfully happy for the first time in years. Minatsuki is perfection and as he thrusts harder into that tight heat and listens to Minatsuki’s desperate cries, he can’t help but think he’d give it all up for this. The thought scares him.  
“I’m close, Laica, I’m so close” It’s song like, lilting yet juddery on every one of Laica’s thrusts.  
Their sweat slickened bodies press so perfectly into one another and Laica wants to be angry about how Minatsuki’s bony little heels are digging into the small of his back but he can’t be. Instead, in a pleasured frenzy he meets Minatsuki’s eyes.  
“Say your name” He tells him, thrusts harder just at the thought alone.  
“What?” Minatsuki’s smile is dazed and warm, a soft chuckle escaping him.  
“Come one” Laica says “Say your name”  
“Minatsuki” Minatsuki says, slowly like he thinks he’s being tricked, his smile is reserved but bursting at the seams of his lips like he wants to shout it.  
Laica groans a little and laughs into Minatsuki’s shoulder as he feels himself pulled closer.  
“Minatsuki” He tries again, more breathy this time and Laica can’t help but fuck up into him harder. The reaction forces the name out of him again and Laica begs him not to stop saying it. It’s selfish and childish but he can’t help it and it drives them both over the edge. They cling to each other in the afterglow, Minatsuki spread out under his own hair like some greek painting, eyes closed and hand curled softly by the side of his head. Laica sits up on his elbow and strokes Minatsuki’s flushed cheek.  
“Well” Minatsuki says, chest rising and falling. Laica puts his hand over Minatsuki’s heart and feels the frantic beats begin to even out. It’s so alive and pure. What they have is pure.  
“Laica” Minatsuki traces the name into the air “From the latin meaning pure”  
Minatsuki is intuitive like that. It’s almost unnerving sometimes. Feeling brave Laica leans forward and Minatsuki leans up. They meet halfway.  
“You asked me to talk earlier” Laica says.  
“I was delirious earlier” Minatsuki smiles.  
“I want to now” Laica breathes out “I hated you when we started this” He twirls his finger in a vague gesticulation. “They- the rest- were like freakshows and I liked being better than them but you- you with your fucking music and stupid kindness, you were so actively reserved, so against your own nature. It made me angry, when I let myself believe in your little show of humanity only to watch that shake in your hands and that hunger in your eye. It was- it is tragic. I realised I didn’t hate you at all. The betrayal I felt whenever I had to pull you back from the edge wasn’t because I hated you.” He looks up into those crystal blue eyes, not quite able to say the words. “Do you understand?”  
“I understand” Minatsuki says in a cracked whisper. The clock ticks between them and Minatsuki looks perfectly stunned.  
“I’ve never seen you this quiet before” Laica smiles.  
They both laugh softly and Laica watches those ticks bring them closer to morning.  
“It felt good to say that to you” He says with a smile that reaches his eyes.  
“I’m glad you said it to me” Minatsuki smiles back and it’s filled with relief and joy. Laica looks over him like this, open and free, sheets pooled around his waist. This can’t last. It’s harrowing but Laica let’s his smile fall and his features cloud over with a self gratifying sense of selflessness. This is for the best.  
“I’m sorry” he says, it sounds choked to his own ears. It sounds like he’s going to cry. He can’t remember the last time he cried.  
“For what?” Minatsuki tilts his head, smile softer as Laica pulls them close. Sea blue eyes on storm cloud grey, Minatsuki doesn’t have time to look surprised as Laica’s eye contracts and swirls.  
“Forget about it” He murmurs and Minatsuki does. 

In the soft morning light, Minatsuki looks at him with that same pleasant detachment and asks at breakfast- “What happened last night?”  
Laica tells him with that same drawl and a shrug that he had one too many and Minatsuki gives him an embarrassed little lip bite- like he’s disappointed himself. If the bruises on his jaw are as pronounced as Laica thinks they seem, no one mentions it and Minatsuki seems not to notice either. He feels like last night was a dream, it may as well have been now.  
Laica adds last night to the ever expanding list of things he’s taken from Minatsuki.  
Adds it to the list of things he’s taken from himself.

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> That Rachmaninoff piece is worth a listen. It reminded me a lot of market maker in general. The again I'm so obsessed with show everything reminds me of it.


End file.
